Separated man and woman watching sunset

How Depression Spreads

Depression spreads through the closest relationships almost like a communicable disease. I learned the hard way that the illness didn’t happen to me alone. It happened to my children, my friends, and most of all to my wife. The pull of depression took me away from her and everyone else. I often felt I was choosing to be alone in order to feel better or to escape situations that seemed [...] Read the rest»

Depression Is a Free Fall in Slow Motion

Once my kids pulled me with them up to a water slide. I don’t like sliding through winding tubes and hadn’t done it before. But I couldn’t back out of it once I was standing in a dense line at the top of a 50-foot high platform. Nowhere to go but down. So off I went, speeding into a panic of flailing arms as I desperately tried to keep myself [...] Read the rest»

Depressed: When Control Is Out of Control

Why I try to understand depression, I find too few words with too many meanings. This isn’t quibbling over semantics. It’s about what you feel when living with depression and what you feel when you can finally live without it. It’s about the experience behind the words. Take the word, control. To control and to be controlling are bad. Your world is all about you, and everyone else is there [...] Read the rest»

Depression Is a Creative Force in Human Evolution?

Some Rights Reserved by gutter at Flickr. What is it about depression that draws people to search for the benefits it brings to its lucky victims? Since I’ve been writing this blog, many writers have had great success with books and articles describing its positive role in life – giving people a creative edge, helping them figure out their lives or simply serving as a healthy and normal response to [...] Read the rest»

Depressed: No Friends, No Life

Lately, I’ve come across a number of questions online by plainly anguished people, asking: Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends. Isn’t it obvious? But I knew so well how much the question implied. [...] Read the rest»

Is It Loneliness or Is It Depression?

It may seem strange to pose this question: is it loneliness or is it depression? After all, many people feel loneliness at the loss or weakening of close relationships because of depression, and most of us who’ve lived with the condition over a lifetime experience those broken connections as some of its worst effects. On the other hand, lots of lonely people are not depressed – sad, most likely, but [...] Read the rest»

What We Deserve from Life

What do I really deserve from life? That’s a question that comes up online a lot, even if it’s only implied. And the dismaying but common answer is often: not much. It always saddens me to read that, but it’s never surprising. Those of us who’ve lived with depression for a while know that the first thing to go is self-esteem. I lost it early on and formed the habit [...] Read the rest»

Why Depressed Men Leave – 3

I’ve written a lot about the form of depression in which men look outside themselves to find the cause for an inner pain that simply can’t be faced. They may feel anger, rage, a longing to act out fantasies, or a compulsion to blame and abuse those closest to them. That side of depression is the most aggressive and obviously damaging to relationships of all kinds.  In my experience, it [...] Read the rest»