Disreality Illusion

The Loss of Feeling in Depressed Partners

Living with depressed partners can mean living without the feelings of love that are at the heart of every relationship. What is it about depression that could turn intimate companions into cold and blaming strangers? Readers ask about this over and over as their partners start blaming them for their own unhappiness and want out of the relationship. How could the person they most loved and trusted suddenly turn on [...] Read the rest»

Boy hiding from light

The Love Hidden in Family Depression

I’ve written about emotional abuse in my boyhood and a family history of depression as big contributors to my own illness, but recently I’ve spent more time reconnecting with the things that went right all those years ago rather than dwelling only on what went wrong. The positive side is simply the love that has always been there. Feeling it is a powerful force for recovering life. There is so [...] Read the rest»

Sound Wave

Healing Power in a Human Voice

Have you heard or felt a wave of healing power in a human voice? Voices can carry many influences. They can scar like a knife edge or terrify with a scream, but here I want to talk about the power of voice to restore lost harmony. Let’s put it as a question: in your experience can the human voice help move a depressed, disordered being closer to wellness? The voice, [...] Read the rest»

Tense Couple Talking

Reconnecting Depressed Partners Despite Fear and Shame

Men and women have the same need and longing to connect with each other, but they also have different ways of reacting to stress that can drive them apart. Psychotherapist believes that these instinctive coping strategies can trigger the fear and shame that isolate partners from each other. Depression makes the disconnection that much worse. These coping strategies can come up in relationships as a typically male sensitivity to shame [...] Read the rest»

Frowning Man in Dark Glasses

Depressed Men Behaving Badly Can Stop

There’s a story on this site that never, unfortunately, gets old. It’s about depressed men breaking up their relationships as a misguided way to get well and find fulfillment. The psychotherapist, David Wexler, has good ideas about how men can change the experience of their closest relationships without leaving. He looks at the problems of men in crisis from a broader perspective than that of depression, but his thoughts are [...] Read the rest»

speeding car in blue tunnel

Beyond Depression to Guiding Values

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy reminds me of the tense time I spent learning how to drive a car. Venturing onto a two-lane highway, I fixed my mind on the big worry – how to get where I wanted to go without crashing into anything along the way. The most important thing was to stay in my lane, and I had trouble with that. I divided my attention between the stripe [...] Read the rest»

recovery butterfly

Jocelyn’s Recovery Story

Every now and then a reader offers insights about his or her own recovery story in the form of a comment on a particular post. As I did with Peter’s story, I like to give them more prominence by re-posting in the blog. Jocelyn offered this summary of how she was able to overcome a driving fear that led to depression. She wrote it in response to the recent post [...] Read the rest»

Separated man and woman watching sunset

How Depression Spreads

Depression spreads through the closest relationships almost like a communicable disease. I learned the hard way that the illness didn’t happen to me alone. It happened to my children, my friends, and most of all to my wife. The pull of depression took me away from her and everyone else. I often felt I was choosing to be alone in order to feel better or to escape situations that seemed [...] Read the rest»