Disreality Illusion

The Loss of Feeling in Depressed Partners

Living with depressed partners can mean living without the feelings of love that are at the heart of every relationship. What is it about depression that could turn intimate companions into cold and blaming strangers? Readers ask about this over and over as their partners start blaming them for their own unhappiness and want out of the relationship. How could the person they most loved and trusted suddenly turn on [...] Read the rest»

Forgiveness and Escape from Depression

As many know it, forgiveness is a feeling that can’t be forced, one that often comes after a long inner struggle. I’ve lived with the need for many forms of forgiveness, and each has been important in my recovery from depression. I’ve felt the need to acknowledge hurt that I’ve caused and to ask for forgiveness. I’ve known the reconciliation that can come from receiving it and the pain when [...] Read the rest»

Flying Fragments

Trying to Find Hope After Your Partner Leaves – 1

There are many strains that depression imposes on relationships, and the most extreme can lead to a sudden break-up. Depressed partners seem to change overnight, turn on their loved ones and decide to leave. They may offer an explanation, but many refuse to communicate at all. The abandoned partner is desperate to do something but often has no idea what might be possible or what to hope for. I went [...] Read the rest»

A Brief Story of Pablo Neruda

Some Rights Reserved by capsicina at Flickr A friend sends out a poetry email every Monday, and here’s what he sent this week. Pablo Neruda, toward the end of his life, was invited to read in Caracas, Venezuela, in the great national theater there. The theater was filled with people celebrating him as the icon and the conscience and the voice of much of Latin culture. He read for quite [...] Read the rest»

Are You Still You When Your Partner Is Depressed?

Over and over, I find online stories about the transformation of a loving partner, most often a man, into a depressed stranger. As I’ve often written here, I have been that stranger. I’ve told several stories about what happened during that time in my life and what I’ve tried to learn from my own depressed behavior. I’ve described fantasies about becoming a new me, blaming my wife and my work [...] Read the rest»

Healing & the Need for Roots

Some Rights Reserved by pictoscribe at Flickr I’m finding that healing the effects of depression has a lot to do with understanding the need for roots and what the experience of being uprooted is all about. The metaphor of roots growing into a nourishing soil kept me focused for a long time on just one aspect of this need. I thought it meant primarily having a geographical place to call [...] Read the rest»

Healing & the Power of Place

Some Rights Reserved by frapestaartje at Flickr In a couple of excellent posts, Susan at the Wellness Writer has written about ecotherapy, a form of treatment that seeks to restore the lost connections with the natural world that are essential to health. (She cites a new book of, the same name as a good introduction.) Of course, reconnecting is an important part of wellness, but it drove home the fact [...] Read the rest»

And Like Goliath Will Be Conquered…?

Some Rights Reserved by nyki_m at Flickr As I’ve noted before, Real Depressed Men Don’t Cry – well, hardly ever. I’ve had Bob Dylan on my mind lately, he’s about the last person you’d think would trigger those droplet-things that have a wet way of blurring your vision. Have you seen I’m Not There – the completely original film about dimensions of Dylan’s life captured by six different actors? The [...] Read the rest»