Tense Couple Talking

Reconnecting Depressed Partners Despite Fear and Shame

Men and women have the same need and longing to connect with each other, but they also have different ways of reacting to stress that can drive them apart. Psychotherapist believes that these instinctive coping strategies can trigger the fear and shame that isolate partners from each other. Depression makes the disconnection that much worse. These coping strategies can come up in relationships as a typically male sensitivity to shame [...] Read the rest»

Frowning Man in Dark Glasses

Depressed Men Behaving Badly Can Stop

There’s a story on this site that never, unfortunately, gets old. It’s about depressed men breaking up their relationships as a misguided way to get well and find fulfillment. The psychotherapist, David Wexler, has good ideas about how men can change the experience of their closest relationships without leaving. He looks at the problems of men in crisis from a broader perspective than that of depression, but his thoughts are [...] Read the rest»

Metallica Concert

The Crowded Emptiness of a Depressed Man

Long before I began to recover from depression, I stumbled my way into moments when time seemed to disappear. My mind cleared itself out completely, and I found myself in a kind of stillness that I can only call spiritual. Those were hopeful experiences, the closest I’ve come to the sense of oneness that Jill Bolte Taylor describes so well in her book, . But for me these precious moments [...] Read the rest»

chrome-plated motorcycle engine with painting of girl

Revisiting: Real Depressed Men Don’t Cry

This is an edited version of one of the first posts I wrote for Storied Mind. ………. I’m not sure where the following came from, but it turned up on my cyber doorstep recently. I guess some men have trouble living up to their fantasies: Ok, everybody knows depressed people have these outbursts of grief and crying for no apparent reason. At least some people break down like that. But [...] Read the rest»

Tony Giordano’s Story of Depression and Recovery

Every person who has lived with depression has a unique story to tell, and I’ve read or listened to dozens of them since starting this blog. Rarely, though, have I found a narrative that so closely parallels my own experience as Tony Giordano’s does. It’s Not All In Your Head: Unearthing the Deep Roots of Depression has one passage after another that I could have written about my own struggle. [...] Read the rest»

Depressed Men Gone: The Open Door

Many women write here of the baffling strangers their depressed husbands or partners have become. Most often, they describe one of two versions of the unrecognizable men they’ve been trying to live with. One turns on his partner, blames her for the pain he feels, acts abusively and then leaves, convinced that getting away from her will solve his problems. The other type retreats into silence and isolating misery, feels [...] Read the rest»

On Health Central: How One Man Fights Depression

Some Rights Reserved by prudencebrown121 at Flickr My new post at Health Central talks about picking up on the early warning signs of depression. Since I tend to need a big picture to figure out what to do, I found it when forced by desperation to look closely at my own self-defeating behavior. That was a key recognition that helped me spot the emergence of depression. It may seem hard [...] Read the rest»

Therapists and Depressed Men

I spent years in therapy, depressed the whole time, perhaps getting a temporary lift, but quickly losing whatever short-term benefit it may have provided. Apparently, this is a common experience for men, and usually the problem is traced back to the difficulty many men have in expressing feeling. They’re not comfortable with emotions, resist therapy and won’t let it work, even if they give it a try. For the most [...] Read the rest»